Mockazine

Pelocchio: The Politician Who Wanted to be Real

Have you heard the story of Pelocchio?  A wooden politician brought to life; her only wish was to be a real leader.  Pelocchio had a problem, though.  Pelocchio was a liar, and every time she lied, her nose would grow longer.  Her fairy god-father, Soros, told her she could only become a real leader if she left her village of San Francisco and made a pilgrimage to D.C. and did exactly as she was told.

Along the way, Pelocchio would get her wish and be named the first Puppet-Speaker of the House--but she never learned to tell the truth.  To the chagrin of her little companion, Obamany Cricket, eventually, she would get caught.  Poor Obamany had plans and her lies were causing him problems.

One day, at a press conference, she began to tell of how she was not involved in punishing bad people.  During her story she flipped, and she flopped, and she flipped, and she flopped.  Like a fish out of water, she flopped all over her presser.

The questions went something like this:

Press - Speaker Pelocchio, were you briefed on the interrogation techniques?

Pelocchio - No, I wasn't briefed.  I didn't know anything about anything.

Press - So you were never briefed?

Pelocchio - I wasn't briefed, I was debriefed regarding other peoples briefs.

Press - What's the difference?

Pelocchio - Well, the difference is found in what goes on in a briefing verses how things come off at a debriefing.  I definitely wasn't briefed, ask my friend, Boxer.

And the lies rolled on and on until she transformed into the quintessential jackass.

Failed Business Ideas Poll

Last month, to celebrate the new, vibrant economy, Mockazine.com presented a weekly series of failed business ideas.  The ideas were:

Ped-O-File foot care system

Booty Call shoe locator

Poo Tycoon computer simulation game

King of Pop soda shop

If they had been real, which of them would have possibly tempted you to spend money?

In the spirit of our current government, vote early and vote often.  This poll closes at the end of July.

Failed Business Ideas: King of Pop

Attempting to combine two pop culture icons, Patty Bunson approached agents for Michael Jackson and Burger King with an idea for a new take on the classic soda shop: King of Pop.  She hoped to capitalize on MJ's love of children and Burger King's new, cutting edge advertising.  Unfortunately, one of the parties refused her idea outright and the King of Pop soda shop never took off.

Boxer's short: No Ma'am.

Is Barbara Boxer sensitive or insecure?  Tuesday she had a spasm when an Army General addressed her as Ma'am (proper protocol when addressing a female superior).  Commentary already compares her to male senators who have no problem being addressed as "sir" instead of insisting on being addressed by the title of "senator."  The point has also been made that she did not consistently refer to the officer as "Brigadier General"-- a title he certainly worked hard to earn.

I think it runs deeper.  I think the Obama administration's wacky policies have Boxer shaking in her shorts.  Perhaps she is afraid her days as a Senator are numbered.

Whatever the reason, don't call her "Ma'am."  With her "No Ma'am" boxing gloves, she ready to take on even the most respectful military officer.

Failed Business Ideas: Poo Tycoon

After watching his young son play Microsoft's Zoo Tycoon, Squiggy Loginpants, owner of a small port-o-pot service, decided to squeeze into the video game industry.  His niche, a portable toilet simulation game.  Apparently, most people are not as enthralled with the waste management industry as he.  Not even his son would play it because, in his words, "It stinks."

Poo Tycoon:  Start your career as a janitor and work your way up to cleaning up the city.  Take no crap from your rivals, rather, wipe them up and flush them away.  Build your empire from the refuse of others.  He who controls the poo, controls the city!  

Rated E for Excrement

Biden Tells Truth: Administration Unclear About Repercussions

Precipitating an uproar among the Obama Administration, Babbling Joe Biden has done it again, this time in the worst way as he tells the truth about about Obama's stimulus package.

On Sunday, June 14th, NBC's Meet the Press quoted Biden as saying: "No one realized how bad the economy was. The projections, in fact, turned out to be worse. But we took the mainstream model as to what we thought -- and everyone else thought -- the unemployment rate would be." 

"We all knew he has a big mouth and he is somewhat of a loose cannon, but no one expected him to go this far." said LaVitra Marmelstein, Assistant Secretary to the Secretary of the Undersecretary of Administrative and Secretarial Staff (ASSUASS).  She continued, "Of all possibilities, we never foresaw him actually telling the truth about the stimulus.  It's simply unheard-of in this administration."

On February 23rd, Biden was put in charge of the Stimulus Package implementation.  Now, just 4 short months later, he proclaims that the White House is keenly aware of the gap between the rhetoric used to sell fast passage of teh legislation and the reality that has 14.5 million people unemployed.  Prior to taking office, the Obama administration claimed that the stimulus would keep the unemployment rate at 8% or lower.  In May, it climbed to 9.4%. 

More importantly, he backed away from the estimate that the funds could "create or save over 3.5 million jobs" and instead promises to create or save 600,000 (17% of the original extimate) by the end of summer.  Of course, it is impossible to count how many jobs are "saved" but Biden pointed out that the many school teachers and police officers who still have their jobs should be credited toward his numbers.

ASSUASS Marmelstein indicates that the secretarial pool already has bets in place regarding the kinds of sanctions Biden will face for this reckless truth-telling.

Is Obama really in charge?  Does he have enough strength punish Biden?  Rumors are already starting to circulate that Biden will run for president.